well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
