you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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