She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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