wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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