wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
