it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
