Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize