Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
