The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No subtext here. People are naked.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
