A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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