That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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