Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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