But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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