I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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