I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize