Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i dont even know how to be here
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
