Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
