remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
