Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
