the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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