her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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