I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
