Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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