Your dad touched me again.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
