I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
