i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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