I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
