A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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