Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
