I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We have started to decorate penises.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
