we have pet lesbian snakes
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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