Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
