Is it normal to miss your booty call?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
