whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
