So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask