oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules