that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
