I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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