I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
