You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
