first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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