my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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