I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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