i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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