So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
how does that bad decision feel?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
