Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
