Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
