You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
