Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I supernannyed him into submission
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
