Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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