Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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