How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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