3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
