Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
