So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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