Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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