Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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