So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
