nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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