Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
