all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?