sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.