maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom