someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND