Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
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he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
no you cant smoke seaweed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though