you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
